Black Adam: Disrepecter of Doors
But better than the ‘heroes’ who completely disrespect ancient heritage, civilians and international boundaries. Surely this is a political satire in the style of Doctor Strangelove?
Well, it’s a mishmash of many of these storylines — https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Adam
Having read a bit more, it should be a mash up of The Mummy and DC movies. Instead, the movie opens in a generic Middle Eastern country/city, Kahndaq, which has been taken over by Intergang, a band of mercenaries. I’m not sure why they’re there or what they really want (and I spend a lot of the movie thinking this!) There’s a historic flashback to Dwayne Johnson being The Rock (only in unclear ancient times), stopping a child in a mine being a hero and standing up to the oppressors who are forcing them to mine for something ending in ‘ion’. The poor miner who found the ‘ion’ has been obligatory stabbed and pushed over the side of the quarry.
Then there are wizards(!) who heap all the powers of the Egyptian gods onto Black Adam, and he becomes part-weapon, part superman. He kicks out the King who won’t give people their due rewards, explodes a lot of ancient heritage (an ongoing theme in this movie) and then can’t stop shooting out lightning, like an angry, fizzing Hulk. At that point, like King Arthur, he gets sent to sleep until it’s he’s needed again by his people…Is this Marvel meets Scorpion King?
Adrianna Tomaz (the wonderful Sarah Shahi) is being hunted by the Intergang — not sure why. Could it be that she wants to relocate an all-powerful crown (which isn’t very Egyptian or North African looking but more faux Lord of the Rings) to a designated safe space? She also has a necklace made of ‘ion’ which is discussed in detail once and then entirely forgotten about for the rest of the movie. Apart from being an heirloom and cue for a joke, surely it should mean something or do something amazing? Duplicitous dude Samir in the van looked like he would have it given half a chance to do something powerful and summoning (or perhaps some event altering time travel) with it. I’m confused where we are now as the historic flashback looked Mesopotamian, but it could be Egypt…In a fantastic van, with a cassette player kids (!) Adrianna, her brother and the other dudes are going to the mountain to find the crown of evil and hide it again. Surely this is a big mistake as they will be followed…and they are. Now it’s like Tomb Raider/Raiders of the Lost Arc…(only Adriana has a smart, skateboarding son Amon, so something like Back To The Future too).
Rather than shooting her, all the dudes and nicking the crown and the van, Intergang hesitate long enough to give Adriana time to recite an ancient incitation summoning Teth-Adam (or Black Adam) back to life and butt kicking baddies! Like James Bond, he kills before asking questions of prisoners/bad guys, ergo bad news for them (and this guy can fly and zap lightning too). Black Adam saves Adriana and her brother Karim from being exploded by a missile, then he needs to rest, cos the last 5000 years of inactivity are weighing on him. Somehow (never explained) he seems to have a Superman-like weakness — put him next to weapons made of ‘ion’ and he can be wounded or momentarily disempowered. It’s a bit Superman and Kryponite and Wakanda-esque.
Awakening band aided, Black Adam proceeds to trash his host’s apartment by smashing through walls and not using doors. (Although in a later sarcasm, he clearly does know how to use a door, cos they were a thing in the past too). This also gives him time to highlight all the Marvel merch decorating Amon’s bedroom. Adriana and Black Adam aka Teth-Adam spend a lot of time dodging bad guys and some randoms called the International Justice League or somesuch. No one can find the crown. At one point her brother defeats the bad guys by playing sub–Barry White love ballads on his cassette player!
Unjustly the random justice people rescue falling bad guys; destroy ancient monuments and heritage, pay no attention to civilians or the city they’re smashing about in, and later on trash what’s left of Adriana’s apartment and the merch filled son’s bedroom. Undoubtedly this is some kind of satire on the United Nations or Nato, or the Western policies towards Afghanistan etc? (In a nice touch the exit hole on the outside of her apartment remains there later, waiting — like the other damage — to be repaired). Black Adam still can’t get the hang of not killing suspects — later on playing throw and catch with them. (A game not appreciated by sweary winged guy one iota).
Ishmael, one of the random dudes in the van (and not the one who appeared duplicitous cos he’s been dead for some time) turns out to be secretly evil and to really want the crown for himself; moreover, he can be even more evil and possibly take over the world once he wears it. (No one quite knows what the inscription on the crown means — call Time Team!) He’s also the descendant of the evil King from the beginning of the movie, therefore he wants his birthright and revenge, mwah hah hah hah. He just can’t wait to be King, so kidnaps Amon on an abandoned Star Wars vehicle to lure Adriana into giving him the crown of evil in exchange for her son. (Only the son has the crown and has already been semi-rescued by Black Adam once, who still keeps killing suspects — just like Bond). And the dude is evil, attempting to shoot the son once he has hold of the crown of evilness.
The not very just randoms (colonial invaders?) have various powers. One, Hawkman, who has very cool WonderWoman gold wings, has the superpower of repetitive swearing and of squaring up to Black Adam for a fight. He’s called Carter (not sure if this is Agent or Get). He also has a rather ruthless and equally sweary boss, who can only materialise on screens to shout at people, (virtual ‘M’). Unaware that they’re meant to be fighting bad guys, they instead save some very bad guys who’ve been dropped in the sky and then lecture the aggrieved locals about due procedure of law bringing them justice etc. In an invaded country being mined for resources and where people are being terrorized and their cultural artefacts completely disrespected… Which is why I think this must be more than a slammy, bammy, bloated, sweary, delighting in violence and crammed with too many characters (and no exposition!) — surely it is a clever, indeed sarcastic and ironic, political satire on the state of the Middle East and policies within in (locally and Western). Surely this is holding up a mirror to Syria, Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran and the West all in one? There must be parallels being made to Palmyra at this point? And even to the situation in Ukraine?
The randoms have a super slick jet fighter where James Bond aka Pierce Brosnan with PTSD, whilst channelling his inner Centaur from Person Jackson, (or perhaps these are the visions of things to come) spends most of his time staring at screens. Shuri (a younger version) aka Cyclone is here too — only this version can create tornadoes and imperil children and ancient heritage inorder to create a cool jail made out of scaffolding poles. There’s also another trainee superbeing who can get super big and crush things: mostly any surviving ancient monuments. If you’re in the heritage industry, don’t watch this movie. The extremely heroic archeologists and archivists of nations which have experienced political turmoil and war must be shouting at their screens (and rightly so).
Anyway, once all the history is trashed, the randoms have finished ‘dispensing justice’ (unwanted), next they want Black Adam to relinquish all his powers and go with them, as their prisoner. Understandably he’s having none of this, as he’s doing just things, has developed a catchphrase and is starting to make jokes (or sarcasms). As we’re now deeply into an Iraq War satire, the film characters start to point out when they’re being ironic or sarcastic — teetering into Thor: Love, Thunder and screaming goats territory. Having completely trashed Adriana’s apartment and all the product placement merch (again, who cares about civilians in this movie?) Black Adam experiences another flashback where he realises that his son in ancient times was the hero, not him. He just wanted a quiet life. Also, the wizards took him down when they realised that he couldn’t control his powers cos he was like an angry magical Hulk. Black Adam’s wife also looks very like Adriana (meaning it is The Mummy 2!) And he was given the powers by someone else, he wasn’t the chosen one or a hero; after that he chooses to give up his powers to sweary but cool winged guy and to be held in a Bond Villain lair in suspended animation forever, (which feels like Atlantis to me, and I’m waiting for Aquaman to turn up at this point). But it isn’t, he doesn’t, and all of this is totally fine, including the Hannibal Lecter underwater look, because Black Adam’s killed the evil dude, and the randoms have the corpse and crown to prove it. Misson over. This is where I got annoyed as the film appeared to stop and then started again. It was as bad as a fake death scene to milk the tears….
Only it turns out he hasn’t — as Adriana and ‘Shuri’ decipher the real meaning on the crown, evil dude is coming back to life…as a demonic champion. Surely at this point, as we’ve now entered spiritual warfare territory, they should unleash the Christians with mighty prayers of power. Surely this is the time to call the Church of England or some Pentecostals…and well no-one expects the Spanish Inquisition. Instead, fatally, Pierce Brosnan finally escapes the cool jet and gets a heroic sacrifice fight moment, as he chooses to hold back and confuse the demon possessed one, knowing that only Black Adam can truly defeat him. Pointless death moment for cool effects? Or stalling for time to give his friends a chance? Or getting an old Bond into an action moment?
In his death throes, Bond has summoned Black Adam by whispering ‘Shazam’ at him. Somehow, although he’s not meant to be able to speak in water suspension, Black Adam can hear and though he can be wounded, he’s able to swim epic lengths to stop the evil one and get a Wakanda suit. I don’t understand how he got his powers back. It’s all gone a bit Legend/Thanos now.
Evil wannabe King demon-possessed dude has also summoned the glowing legions of the dead (Ray Harryhausen rip-off skeletons) which inspires Amon to lead the much-oppressed civilians in a revolt, finally! What is weird though is that his mum, Adriana, has spent so much of the movie telling him not to be violent, but in this sequence, they are both pictured smashing away at undead resurrected skeletons in political revolt. So, violence is now ok? (As with all super villains he’s been trying to make a tornado in the sky to summon horrors to terrorize the land — certainly whilst he was doing that, he could have been bopped over the head or CGI’d in some gruesome 12A appropriate way). Weird too, that only at the end of the movie does Hawkman finally start behaving justly by protecting Adriana with his wings as a fight brews.
With most of Intergang squashed and dropped from on high; the skeletons smashed, Hell dispossessed of their mayhem champion and a tiny bit of ancient culture left standing, the happy civilians now have an ‘Arab Spring’ moment. But part of them still thinks they need a hero to lead things (even though that hero declares that he isn’t one). Black Adam tries out the throne for size, considers it, rejects the King offer and then smashes it — cos who needs World listed UNESCO heritage anyway? Literally rebuilding their country now, the non-hero decides that he will be a protector instead, with a catchphrase, self-control and humour. Oh, and he looks very like Superman now, cos he has a cape!
Whilst I laugh cos I struggled to understand a lot of what was going on, and it was too sweary for me (it’s meant to be a 12A); plus, far too many characters thrown in all at once without any established relationships or exposition, and a real love of violence — a guy is literally ripped in half (a Black Adam specialty it seems), and some gruesome skewering. Mostly I just can’t get over the endless mayhem inflicted on the civilians without a care in the world — we rarely get their perspective, apart from when, in a nice touch, they cheer when the villains splat and ‘boo’ the ‘justice’ of the unwanted Justice Society or whatever they’re called. Surely this is a satire on colonialism after all?
Whilst I love The Rock, who makes this nonsense more epic than it should be — he takes his flying/smashing moments very seriously; truly it is Adriana and Amon’s movie. Adriana standing for Iranian women fighting for their lives and the truth, and her smart son Amon, having to choose between violence and stealth. The trainee superheroes, Atom Smasher (in his uncle’s vintage suit, I’m sure that the uncle is Alan Alda) and Cyclone (aka isn’t that Shuri?) have some lovely moments as they learn how to be super in a team, encouraging and protecting each other, and have a sweet and gentle romantic friendship. Hooray too for a smart woman who doesn’t feel the need to be more bro than the bros; but is purely herself and gets the job done with insight. Atom Smasher has some inappropriate snacking moments too; but knows how to celebrate an intelligent and resourceful woman. Amon has some lovely escape by skateboard moments, encouraging Black Adam to develop and appropriately deploy a catchphrase and awesome rescue moments as he hides the crown from evil dudes. I did like the hiding an evil crown in a fake video recorder/player too — look kids, archaic technology?!!! But the setting could have been more Middle Eastern/North African. It was hard to place — were they ancient Persians or Egyptians? Why do they have 1980s tech and Star Wars vehicles — at the same time? But my favourite moments have to be the civilians protesting and fighting back….
Overall, hot mess is too unkind a term — but it is messy. Glorying in violence (though the bit where a villain is literally thrown away is funny) and so much CGI (it feels like a computer game much of the time), overly sweary (which explains why I didn’t get through Shazam either) and too much story without characters driving it, I wouldn’t recommend paying real money to see it. However, Dwayne Johnson is worth the real money as he brings Shakespearean gravitas to the whole malarky — when he stops a bullet, flicks aside a helicopter blade or makes fighting in sandals look really cool. But he deserves better (and not just a saviour complex to explain his character’s transformation)!
For a change, the central female character is fully written and not just there as love interest/to be in peril and rescued — she has her own brain, story arc and is a mother with family commitments! Almost an ‘older woman in a central role’. Cyclone was also a great character in that she didn’t have to be a woman proving herself, she just was!
I didn’t understand what was going on a lot of the time! For the real plot — https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Adam_(film)
P.S. Not Alan Alda, but the Fonz himself — Henry Winkler!!!!
